4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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