Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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