my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
