the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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