Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
