Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize