I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
