Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
