how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
