What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
