it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
