how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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