Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
