first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
