How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
