covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
