Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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