Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
