I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
