take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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