i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
