i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
