Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Farmville is her only friend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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