I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
