I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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