I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
