Screwed.edu
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
