I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
