Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
