My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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