JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
