I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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