I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
