its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
