Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
