Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize