Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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