At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
