So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
