My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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