He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
