If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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