I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
