There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
