Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
