I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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