Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
