found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
