Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
