turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
