Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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