Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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