is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
