just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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