I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
