So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
