we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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