i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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