I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
