fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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