I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
