As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize