Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
